Here you’ll find a snapshot of one civilian partner’s life during and after Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.  I started writing back in 2007 when I first faced the prospect of my husband’s deployment, but it wasn’t until he was sent to Iraq that my blog became a lifeline to me.  Under DADT the partners of LGBTQ Servicemembers were isolated, officially unrecognized, and did their best to navigate the hazards of military life without any support.

This blog has been reconstituted from earlier incarnations – my original one was more the musings of a gay man in a conservative, rural setting.  That changed as deployments approached, and I shifted my focus to the effects of DADT on a gay military couple.

In the middle of my husband’s Iraq deployment, I sadly felt the need to delete my blog because it started to attract attention that I feared would out my partner.

My husband is an out-and-proud Airman now, but was still in the Army when we first met.  I felt the need, under DADT, to change our names and his branch of service in order to hide his identity.  After repeal I decided to leave all that as is 1) to honor the many years my husband spent in the infantry and 2) because many of the things I discussed under the cloak of anonymity were intensely personal.


6 thoughts on “About

  1. Wow this is a truly amazing blog. My bf and i have been in a serious relationship for about two years. He is now at OCS becoming a naval officer. I am feeling a bit depressed and was wondering do you have any advice on how to deal with this? When your partner was away what did you do to not be sad? any help would be appreciated. I feel like i cant talk to any of the women about this on the military spouse websites.

    • @Haseeb: We’re all different, and none of us deal with the same issues in the same way, but my advice is to get involved with any of the organizations I have linked to on my blog and try to meet and network with others in your situation. Each organization has a different flavor and offers different things, so look for one that fits best for you. Now that DADT is dead, we have a freedom of association that wasn’t possible before repeal. As partners, it is our ultimate goal to be fully recognized and supported on base – just like our straight counterparts.

      There’s no reason anymore to be alone in this. There are thousands just like you going through similar things at the exact same time, and we will demand recognition and inclusion as our power grows.

      And you are, of course, welcome to talk about anything you want to here 🙂

  2. I just watch your NYT op-ed, and I found it absolutely poignant. I’m so glad that DADT is gone forever! I was enlisted during that time too, and wrote a book about that experience. I wonder if you have any tips on how to get my story out?

    Thank you for the blog and for your involvement in the exposure of our (LGBT) issues!

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