Here you’ll find a snapshot of one civilian partner’s life during and after Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. I started writing back in 2007 when I first faced the prospect of my husband’s deployment, but it wasn’t until he was sent to Iraq that my blog became a lifeline to me. Under DADT the partners of LGBTQ Servicemembers were isolated, officially unrecognized, and did their best to navigate the hazards of military life without any support.
This blog has been reconstituted from earlier incarnations – my original one was more the musings of a gay man in a conservative, rural setting. That changed as deployments approached, and I shifted my focus to the effects of DADT on a gay military couple.
In the middle of my husband’s Iraq deployment, I sadly felt the need to delete my blog because it started to attract attention that I feared would out my partner.
My husband is an out-and-proud Airman now, but was still in the Army when we first met. I felt the need, under DADT, to change our names and his branch of service in order to hide his identity. After repeal I decided to leave all that as is 1) to honor the many years my husband spent in the infantry and 2) because many of the things I discussed under the cloak of anonymity were intensely personal.