Shit

Clay called during breakfast. I could tell right away that something was bothering him. “What’s wrong?” I was in a noisy place, so I ran outside so I could hear him. The connection isn’t always the greatest and I usually have to ask him to talk loudly. This is a bit of a problem because there’s no privacy, and he’s literally surrounded by his fellow soldiers during his calls. They often banter back and forth in the middle of our conversations, giving each other shit.

He witnessed two soldiers get blown up by and IED today. One female, one male. He said they lived but that there really wasn’t much left of either of them. It happened close to where he was, and he just happened to be looking right at them when it happened. He was the one who called in for help.

They also showed him pictures of the latest casualties in Mosul. I can’t figure out what the fuck for, other than they’re trying to desensitize them. I wanted to just tell him over and over that I love him, knowing how soothing that would be to him – but I couldn’t. I used our code word instead, but it sounds so childish and hollow.

He’s trying to channel his anger and pain into something positive by getting involved with getting school supplies to local Iraqi children. This might involve leaving the base on days off to go with the convoys to the local schools – he’s not sure of the Army will let him tag along, or that his leadership would let him. I am obviously conflicted about that one.