I have a confession to make. I’m a little lost right now. I get weird when Clay goes away, and it’s not really as rational as it sounds.
The first time Clay went away for Military training he was gone for a few months. The first week I called-in sick, sat alone in the dark TV room and watched movies all day while eating ice cream. Then I lost my appetite and stopped eating much for the rest of the time he was gone. He was just in Texas, for christsake. And we both travel extensively for work, so WTF?
And now he’s on his second deployment and I’m feeling much the same. And remember, he is not now, nor has he ever been to, Iraq or Afghanistan. I feel like I should smack myself in the face and shout, “Snap out of it, you freakin’ MORON!”
In April we will have been together for 15 years, and we’ve had our share of rough spots. We drive each other crazy sometimes and there have been times when we thought we were through. Yet here we still are.
So I had to ask myself: Why do I go into this funk when I should be thanking my lucky stars at his very fortunate assignments?
I met Clay at a very low point in my life. It was a time of such darkness that I wasn’t sure I’d make it to the next day, let alone ever see daylight again. And then all of a sudden there he was. And everything got better. And over the years we’ve held each other up through some really fucking hard times, and we’ve floated high through lots of incredible ones.
I have accomplished things that I never thought I was capable of. Clay will tell you that I’m the strong one. That I’m the sane one. That I’m the one who pushed us forward to realize the dreams we were afraid to dream. But, truth be told, I slip back a little into that dark time (before Clay) whenever he goes away. It’s a struggle, but I’ll be ok – but only because his being in my life for 15 years has made me stronger